So Far ...

Category: LiteratureMood: Accomplished4:18am Saturday, April 5th, 2014

I've been writing my entire adult life. Writing is the only thing I've ever really wanted to do. But there was always something holding me back. I had mental barriers I had to overcome. I have a deep seated fear of rejection and an equal, yet opposite fear of success. I've allowed these fears to cripple me.

I haven't written enough during my time on this planet, so far. I have folders full of unfinished short stories. I have one folder full of completed short stories. I've actually even submitted one and had it published. I've started six novels, four of which have surpassed 100 pages, none of which I completed.

Until now.

I turn 40 in June, and I rationalized, since writing is all I've ever wanted to do, the only thing that will ever make me happy, if I don't have a completed manuscript before my 40th birthday, then I am the very definition of a loser.

With my midlife crisis looming ahead, I sat down to write. And I committed, I ditched the excuses. I worked through the blocks and the depression and the fear with a single goal in mind: Finish the novel.

And I did. I finished it.

Now I find myself in the most terrifying situation. The moment I've anticipated, feared, dreaded, and trembled at the mere thought of for my entire adult life. It's time to sell my book. It's time to send it out to agents, make one of them believe in it so they take it to the publisher and convince the publisher to print it. And then the publisher has to convince the public that my story is worth their time, and their 25 bucks, of which, I will receive approximately three, after I've surpassed the amount of my advance.

But that is the path I've chosen. That is the only option. Yes, the world is changing and many people are enjoying success with self-publishing. But self-publishing was never my plan. Self-publishing remains, for me, a distant back-up plan.

So, now, I am facing my greatest fear and I am drafting a query letter. I will be sending it out to more than fifty different agents and waiting for them to either ask to read my novel, or give me the thanks, but no, answer. Or to be ignored, entirely, which I have read happens quite frequently with email queries.

Email is the way I will be going for many of the submissions, just so I can get the ball rolling. I have no printer ink, nor money for envelopes, and the whole process of printing, and stuffing, and mailing adds a thick layer of stress onto the whole situation. I'm still going to do it, but I'll already have multiple email queries sent out.

And then I wait. When the waiting is done, I wait some more. I endure the rejections and let them roll off, all the time anticipating the request for the manuscript. And then I'll wait some more.

It is going to be a long, stressful road to publication. I'm going to need plenty of support.

Kevin Dicks

About Kevin Dicks

      Kevin Dicks, hereafter to be referred to as "I", is, first and foremost, a writer. I am working on several novels, and if you are interested you can follow my progress at my The Fiction of Kevin Dicks Facebook page. I also like to dabble in web design. I'm most comfortable scripting in PHP, woven with JavaScript for client-side functions. I am currently trying to expand my understanding of JavaScript into a grasp of Java and I would like to branch out to creating Android and Google Chrome applications. Mostly, I have a need for several personalized apps, and if I do well on those, I may consider creating some fun free apps for the Android Market.

      I work at a company doing something for a living. I hate it from the deepest depths of my soul.

      All I want out of life is to be able to earn enough to live comfortably off my writing. It is my one, singular goal: Make writing my soul source of income and live comfortably.