I don't know where I lost it. I don't know when I settled in and just started barely existing. Looking back, I can see how fucked up shit was. I had accepted this gray existence and I just thought Heather and I could live like that until things magically got better on their own. I want to reach back in time, grab myself and shake myself. "Listen, stupid! Wake up! Can't you see what is happening?" But, I can't, can I? No. I can't do that. I can't talk to the past me and warn him, get him to open his eyes. If I had thought for a second that the course I was on was going to cause me to lose Heather, I would have done something about it. But I didn't and I didn't. So, God, what's the point in all this? I know that my life will be good. But not as good as it should be. It won't be perfect. I was so dumb. I'm technically a genius, but what good does that do me when I was so dumb? It's meaningless. What good is intellect? It couldn't save me. It couldn't save my relationship. I've just been wasting it.
I'd like to write more, but this keyboard really sucks. My blogs will pick back up when I get my new keyboard from newegg.com
I just had a very amusing (to me) mental image of a mash-up between Lord Of The Rings and Silence Of The Lambs. Gollum, as Buffalo Bill, leaning over the pit, looking panicked, it pans down to the girl holding Precious, the dog. Gollum says, "It puts The Precious in the b (Read More)
I am in desperate need of the catharsis one experiences upon slitting someone's throat with a razor-sharp blade followed by the joy and elation obtained from watching the life drift from their eyes turning them to dead, glassy orbs as I am filled with the energy that used t (Read More)
I rushed out of work at 5pm
Plopped my ass in my car again
Welcome to the land of lazyness,
hey, gotta get my rest in.
Started up the car
headed home for my free time
Look at the street and I see a really bad sign.
Traffic looks so crazy
Everybody's in my way, s (Read More)
I envy a person who can hear their alarm go off, turn it off, and get up out of bed, ready to start the day. I live by the snooze button. It is my best friend in the morning. Well, it and my coffee. I'd marry it if congress would hurry up and pass that bill legalizing m (Read More)
So, my car's wrecked, I told ya that. The bumper was precariously attached. It began to become unattached. I'll fix it with some Gorilla Glue just as soon as the snow is gone and the temperature is more moderate. For now, I removed it and placed it on my porch. So the (Read More)
The last few weeks have been kind of hectic and draining. Last Wednesday I wrecked my car. Hit a patch of ice, slid off the road, down a hill, into a pole. I wasn't hurt. The car was. I spent nearly a week with my brother-in-law trying to fix it. Had to replace the ra (Read More)
Depressed. And I'm quite tired of being depressed. There's no reason for me to be depressed. No logical reason, anyway. I'm insane, that's obvious. I have great friends. What's left of my family, my sister, brother, nephews and niece, et al, are wonderful. I'm w (Read More)
