December 22, 2009. Thirteen years to the day since my dad was killed. Has it really been that long? Sometimes it seems it was just yesterday, sometimes it seems like a lifetime ago. Every year at this time, I think about people who are dying. I think of their families, about how Christmas will never be the same for them again. Christmas comes and Christmas goes, and people think it's some magical time of year. It isn't. They don't stop printing the obits at this time of year, because people don't stop dying just because it's Christmas. People still get hit by cars, cancer still eats away at people, hearts give out, people get shot, stabbed, people drink themselves to death, coke themselves to death, overdose on heroine ... people die. It happens every day, and it changes the lives of the people who knew them. And when it happens near Christmastime, it changes Christmas.
So, Christmas for me has not felt like Christmas in a very long time. Still, I've developed new traditions. My family really never had another Christmas after that. No more get-togethers. I spent the following Christmases with my then girlfriend's family, and then when I met Heather, started spending Christmas with her family, of course. Those Christmases were always nice. I enjoyed them a lot.
But this year, I get to start something new. Spending Christmas with Jay will be all kinds of wonderful, and I'm looking forward to it.
So, I guess it's been a while since I blogged. Training is driving me absolutely crazy. The days are so boring, and I'm stuck in that classroom. Time stands still. We are learning very little in a large amount of time ... and some people still aren't getting it. Today in class I wanted to do so much, I was so motivated. I wanted to write part of my novel, I felt like working out, I wanted to write this blog. I did get some stuff written on my notepad for my novel, but I left it on my desk in my large hurry to get the hell out of there. And just like I knew would happen, once I spent an entire day in that classroom, then drove home, my motivation level has sunk to zero. I'm forcing this blog, I'm going to force some writing later. I hope I can force myself to work out a bit.
I just had a very amusing (to me) mental image of a mash-up between Lord Of The Rings and Silence Of The Lambs. Gollum, as Buffalo Bill, leaning over the pit, looking panicked, it pans down to the girl holding Precious, the dog. Gollum says, "It puts The Precious in the b (Read More)
I am in desperate need of the catharsis one experiences upon slitting someone's throat with a razor-sharp blade followed by the joy and elation obtained from watching the life drift from their eyes turning them to dead, glassy orbs as I am filled with the energy that used t (Read More)
I rushed out of work at 5pm
Plopped my ass in my car again
Welcome to the land of lazyness,
hey, gotta get my rest in.
Started up the car
headed home for my free time
Look at the street and I see a really bad sign.
Traffic looks so crazy
Everybody's in my way, s (Read More)
I envy a person who can hear their alarm go off, turn it off, and get up out of bed, ready to start the day. I live by the snooze button. It is my best friend in the morning. Well, it and my coffee. I'd marry it if congress would hurry up and pass that bill legalizing m (Read More)
So, my car's wrecked, I told ya that. The bumper was precariously attached. It began to become unattached. I'll fix it with some Gorilla Glue just as soon as the snow is gone and the temperature is more moderate. For now, I removed it and placed it on my porch. So the (Read More)
The last few weeks have been kind of hectic and draining. Last Wednesday I wrecked my car. Hit a patch of ice, slid off the road, down a hill, into a pole. I wasn't hurt. The car was. I spent nearly a week with my brother-in-law trying to fix it. Had to replace the ra (Read More)
Depressed. And I'm quite tired of being depressed. There's no reason for me to be depressed. No logical reason, anyway. I'm insane, that's obvious. I have great friends. What's left of my family, my sister, brother, nephews and niece, et al, are wonderful. I'm w (Read More)
