I want to write, but I don't know what to write. All I ever seem to be able to put into words is how much I hate having to work. There is so much more to me than that. I have feelings, and stuff. Today, everything is weird. It has been weird. I've been spacey, cloudy-brained. Nothing feels real. It's as if everything, including me, is a dream. I want to snap out of it. Not the dream, the state of mind. I hate it. I want to be clear, and lucid, and get things done. I want to write about the things I feel, but I can't seem to organize my thoughts.
I'm quitting smoking. For real this time. Today is my first full day off cigarettes. Most of yesterday was cigarette free, but I did have a couple of cigarettes yesterday. Today I have none. I don't want to quit. I do, and I don't. Okay, mostly I do. I don't like the way they taste. I don't like the way they smell. I don't like the way they make me feel. So what do I like about them? I don't know. There is something comforting about them. It makes no sense. So, I'm quitting. It's a very hard thing to do, but I am determined. Once I quit, I will have one less thing I have to worry about. One less thing sucking at my cash flow, and one less thing I have to worry about killing me. One less health concern.
2010 should be a wonderful year. I'm in love with a great guy who loves me back. I have a good job with good benefits and fair pay. I own my own home. I have wonderful friends. I'm a talented writer and I resolve to get three short stories published this year. It should be good. It's up to me whether it is or not.
I just had a very amusing (to me) mental image of a mash-up between Lord Of The Rings and Silence Of The Lambs. Gollum, as Buffalo Bill, leaning over the pit, looking panicked, it pans down to the girl holding Precious, the dog. Gollum says, "It puts The Precious in the b (Read More)
I am in desperate need of the catharsis one experiences upon slitting someone's throat with a razor-sharp blade followed by the joy and elation obtained from watching the life drift from their eyes turning them to dead, glassy orbs as I am filled with the energy that used t (Read More)
I rushed out of work at 5pm
Plopped my ass in my car again
Welcome to the land of lazyness,
hey, gotta get my rest in.
Started up the car
headed home for my free time
Look at the street and I see a really bad sign.
Traffic looks so crazy
Everybody's in my way, s (Read More)
I envy a person who can hear their alarm go off, turn it off, and get up out of bed, ready to start the day. I live by the snooze button. It is my best friend in the morning. Well, it and my coffee. I'd marry it if congress would hurry up and pass that bill legalizing m (Read More)
So, my car's wrecked, I told ya that. The bumper was precariously attached. It began to become unattached. I'll fix it with some Gorilla Glue just as soon as the snow is gone and the temperature is more moderate. For now, I removed it and placed it on my porch. So the (Read More)
The last few weeks have been kind of hectic and draining. Last Wednesday I wrecked my car. Hit a patch of ice, slid off the road, down a hill, into a pole. I wasn't hurt. The car was. I spent nearly a week with my brother-in-law trying to fix it. Had to replace the ra (Read More)
Depressed. And I'm quite tired of being depressed. There's no reason for me to be depressed. No logical reason, anyway. I'm insane, that's obvious. I have great friends. What's left of my family, my sister, brother, nephews and niece, et al, are wonderful. I'm w (Read More)
