I envy a person who can hear their alarm go off, turn it off, and get up out of bed, ready to start the day. I live by the snooze button. It is my best friend in the morning. Well, it and my coffee. I'd marry it if congress would hurry up and pass that bill legalizing marriage between humans and alarm clock buttons. They'll have to legalize polygamy as well, because I have three snooze buttons.
I've always had an issue with waking up. When I was in high school I took my alarm clock apart and snipped the wires that led to the speaker. I ran the wires into an old car stereo amplifier powered by a 12 volt transformer I had rigged, then I ran that into my stereo system. It woke everyone else in the house up ... but somehow I managed to sleep right through it.
These days I use three alarm clocks all set to slightly different times. One of them is called the Sonic Boom. It is extra loud and it has an added component that vibrates my bed when it goes off. One is a CD alarm clock loaded up with the Ween CD, "La Cucaracha". The first track on that disk is an instrumental called "Fiesta" and I am treated to trumpets and horns. The third alarm clock is set to the only radio station it will broadcast loudly without static, which is some weird catholic station. Every single morning they have some creepy old person -- really not sure of the gender -- reciting the Hail Mary with a chorus of unenthusiastic children repeating after it. It sounds like the dead reciting the Hail Mary, and I swear to God it's one of the single creepiest things I've heard in my entire life. I always seem to wake up when it's playing, and I lunge for the snooze button on that side of the bed to make it stop.
They are set to slightly different times so that one will go off, then the other, then the other, and I constantly have to keep turning them off, which should stop me from going back to sleep. But it doesn't. I lay there, turning them off one by one and catching a few minutes of sleep between each. Sometimes I wake up with them all going off at once. And I hit them on the snooze, one, two, three, replacing the cacophony with silence and knowing I have five whole minutes before I hear anything again. One would think the annoyance this causes would drive me to say, "Fuck with this," turn them all off, get out of bed and pour my coffee. But it doesn't. I play "Silence the Cacophony" for about two hours every morning. No wonder I'm cranky when I finally make the decision to get up.
I just had a very amusing (to me) mental image of a mash-up between Lord Of The Rings and Silence Of The Lambs. Gollum, as Buffalo Bill, leaning over the pit, looking panicked, it pans down to the girl holding Precious, the dog. Gollum says, "It puts The Precious in the b (Read More)
I am in desperate need of the catharsis one experiences upon slitting someone's throat with a razor-sharp blade followed by the joy and elation obtained from watching the life drift from their eyes turning them to dead, glassy orbs as I am filled with the energy that used t (Read More)
I rushed out of work at 5pm
Plopped my ass in my car again
Welcome to the land of lazyness,
hey, gotta get my rest in.
Started up the car
headed home for my free time
Look at the street and I see a really bad sign.
Traffic looks so crazy
Everybody's in my way, s (Read More)
I envy a person who can hear their alarm go off, turn it off, and get up out of bed, ready to start the day. I live by the snooze button. It is my best friend in the morning. Well, it and my coffee. I'd marry it if congress would hurry up and pass that bill legalizing m (Read More)
So, my car's wrecked, I told ya that. The bumper was precariously attached. It began to become unattached. I'll fix it with some Gorilla Glue just as soon as the snow is gone and the temperature is more moderate. For now, I removed it and placed it on my porch. So the (Read More)
The last few weeks have been kind of hectic and draining. Last Wednesday I wrecked my car. Hit a patch of ice, slid off the road, down a hill, into a pole. I wasn't hurt. The car was. I spent nearly a week with my brother-in-law trying to fix it. Had to replace the ra (Read More)
Depressed. And I'm quite tired of being depressed. There's no reason for me to be depressed. No logical reason, anyway. I'm insane, that's obvious. I have great friends. What's left of my family, my sister, brother, nephews and niece, et al, are wonderful. I'm w (Read More)
